Column: Does Sallie Mae accept Muskie Bucks?

Everything I learned about money, I learned in fourth grade. For a whole week we learned how to write checks and balance a checkbook.

The majority of that time was spent sewing our checkbooks by hand and I did feel like I worked for Kathie Lee Gifford, but at least now I know how to hem which is beneficial since I am short with a huge bum bum.

My first year of college I played the “I’m a poor farmer kid,” so much that I didn’t have to take out a loan. But, when I did have to sign that loan paper my sophomore year; I had no idea what I was signing.

This of course is my fault since I look at courses in Economics the same way that I look at children: with utter disgust.

I can’t help but reflect on all the “busy work” days in high school when we had substitute teachers and did crosswords. Or, when we had the actual teacher and did crosswords.

Why couldn’t one of those days we learn what money is. Where it comes from. And maybe even why some people have it and some don’t. Well, I guess that would be crazy.

I usually don’t talk to my mother, because the conversation focuses on one question, “Are you saving money?”

To which I reply, “Yeah mom, Yager Bombs are only a dollar at Doc’s!”

My fellow Muskies is this question plaguing you: Is my liberal arts education going to pay off that pile of student loans I’ve accumulated?

And somewhere deep in you medulla oblongata, you’ll hear a resounding, no.

This is also the part of the brain that controls defecation: which will also come into play when you realize you won’t have your loans paid off before you have to start buying Effergrip.

The average college student will take out about $23,000 in loans.
But, that’s not even including the copious amounts of alcohol that you’ll have to buy to distract you from the fact that that figure doesn’t include accrued interest or all the illegitimate children that you fathered from four years of having an awesome time at Muskiepalooza.

In a recent episode of the ‘Daly Show,’ Jon Stewart talked about taking the intermediary from college loans. If we took banks out of the picture, over a period of 10 years, that would give us more than $46 billion!

Even more than if we were to take subsidies away from oil companies, which would be a mere $40 billion. And, we should do that too.

All of this money could then be invested in education by putting more money towards Pell Grants: which is exactly what President Obama would like to do.

So that we poor college students don’t have to bear the burden of a Lamborghini sized debt when we graduate, and so that more people will be able to afford college.

Unfortunately, Congress is being persuaded by bank lobbyists not to support this initiative.

But, you know what, you can make a difference. Yes, you.

Visit, studentsoverbanks.org to tell your Senators and Representatives that you want financial reform.