Column: Loopy laws all across the United States

Everywhere in the United States, no matter how far into the wilderness you roam, there are always going to be laws...the supreme law of the land, created by our glorious founding fathers and then some.

Of course, we all have our opinions on laws – how they are bogus, how they aren’t working, how they should be changed to fit our individual needs – like how 70 mph should be the speed limit on I-70...or maybe 75 mph.

Some laws are more important than others, some more extreme, some less extreme; in our case, some are pretty peculiar, and some are just flat out bizarre.

After browsing around on the Internet, at a news site called The Huffington Post, I found some very odd laws...so random and out there, they fit perfectly into the theme of my column.

In Missouri, it’s illegal to drive with an uncaged bear...but caged bears are alright.

Connecticut is pretty bizarre. Not only is it illegal to walk across the street on your hands, but a pickle is not officially a pickle unless it bounces.

In Nevada, it’s illegal for a man to buy drinks for more than three people at a time. Does this still apply in Las Vegas? If so, my Dad is in serious trouble...

Hopefully Arizonians don’t get too frisky, because it’s illegal to own more than two dildos.

If two trains have a fateful meeting on the same Kansas track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.

In Oregon, one may not test their physical endurance while driving a car on the highway.

If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices.

A New York law states it is against the law to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun.

From dumblaws.com, here are some crazy laws specifically for Ohio:

It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday (because of the whale shortage sweeping the state).

Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.

It is illegal to get a fish drunk. (Muskingum students break this every weekend when they throw their Natty Light cans into the pond...shame on you).

No one may be arrested on Sunday or on the Fourth of July (So don’t be afraid to let off those bottle rockets and sparklers outside your house!).

After reading these laws, I have to ask – first off, who even thought of these laws? Who approved these laws while they were still on the drawing board?

The only solution I can think of is that our founding fathers were abstinent whale-hunters who were very serious about their pickles and enjoyed riding around with caged bears.

Oh, and p.s. - I would like to share with lyrics from Modest Mouse’s song, “So Much Beauty it Could Make you Cry.”

Walk a direction,

see where we get.

I never knew nothin’ so there’s nothin’ to forget.

Get real drunk and ride our bikes.

There’s so much beauty it could make you cry.